How Letting Go Can Help You Find Yourself After Motherhood
Learn how letting go after motherhood helps you reclaim your identity, find clarity, and build a life that feels true to you.
There’s a moment so many of us face, somewhere between marriage and motherhood, between routines and responsibilities, where we pause and wonder quietly: Where did I go?
For a long time, I thought if I just tried harder, held on tighter… I could somehow find myself again. But the truth is, it wasn’t about trying harder. It was about learning to let go.
I know that feeling intimately. From the outside, it looked like everything had fallen into place. I had the beautiful home, a husband I adore, and the babies I had once only dreamed of. Parts of it truly were the dream. And yet, without even realising it, I had slipped out of the driver’s seat of my own story.
It wasn’t one dramatic moment. It was hundreds of small ones. Tucking my dreams away. Telling myself it wasn’t the right time. Convincing myself that later would be kinder. But later never came.
Motherhood stretches you, not just physically or emotionally, but spiritually too. If you're not paying attention, you can wake up one day feeling like a supporting character in the life you built.
Recently, I read the Let Them Theory, and it put language to something I'd been quietly living for years. No one is coming to hand you your life back. No one is going to tap you on the shoulder and say, "Hey, your dreams matter too." That moment of reclamation has to come from you.
And when I stopped waiting for permission, everything began to shift.
Losing Yourself in Motherhood: How I Found My Way Back
Looking back, I can see how slowly and quietly it happened. The gradual fading of the woman I used to be.
In my twenties, I felt unstoppable. I had plans. I made decisions based on my future. I was steering my own life with two steady hands.
But after getting married and moving across the world, far from everything familiar, something shifted. I became financially dependent on my husband. I became a mother. I told myself it was just a season, that I'd come back to myself later.
Later never came.
Instead, the dreams I once cradled so tightly gathered dust. I was proud of the life we were building, but underneath it all, resentment quietly took root. A low hum I barely dared to name.
What I didn’t know then was that what I was feeling had a name: matrescence, the profound identity shift that happens when a woman becomes a mother.
We’re taught that losing yourself in motherhood is noble. That setting your dreams aside makes you good. But when self-sacrifice becomes self-erasure, the cracks start to show.
I wasn’t broken. I wasn’t ungrateful. But I was deeply disconnected from myself. And somewhere under the noise, a quiet voice kept whispering: You are allowed to want more.
Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood: Ending the Waiting Game
For a long time, I lived in a holding pattern. Life was full, babies, home, marriage, but I kept waiting. Waiting for life to slow down. Waiting for someone else to notice I was craving more. Waiting for permission to dream again.
But here's the thing about waiting. It never ends unless you decide it does.
When I read the words, "You are the only person you’ll spend your whole life with. Start honouring that," something clicked. I realised I had spent so long pouring into everyone else that I forgot I even had a seat at the table.
Rediscovering yourself after motherhood isn’t about rejecting the life you’ve built. It’s about finding purpose beyond parenting, reclaiming the woman who still lives inside you. The one with dreams, passions, a voice of her own.
If you're caught in the quiet ache of waiting, hear me. You don’t need perfect timing. You don’t need permission. You are worthy of choosing yourself now, exactly as you are.
Finding Yourself Again After Kids: Why Imperfect Action Matters
When the realisation hit me, it didn’t come with fanfare. It came with one shaky, imperfect step.
I signed up for a two-year part-time Montessori diploma. Two young kids at home. No guarantee of how I’d make it work. No perfect conditions. Just a deep knowing. If I didn’t move now, I’d still be stuck years from now.
It was terrifying. It was messy. It was the best decision I ever made.
Every small action, studying during nap times, working on essay submissions late at night, became an act of self-reclamation. I wasn't waiting to feel brave. I wasn't waiting to feel ready. I was moving with shaky hands and an uncertain heart, and that was enough.
Choosing yourself over motherhood guilt is radical. It goes against everything we’ve been taught about what makes a "good mum."
But here’s what’s even more radical. Showing your children what it looks like to live a full, vibrant, honest life.
You don’t find yourself again by waiting for certainty. You find yourself by moving anyway.
Finding Purpose Beyond Parenting: Why Choosing Yourself Matters
One of the hardest myths we carry is the idea that choosing ourselves means abandoning the people we love. It doesn’t. It means loving yourself enough to show up fully for your life. Not as a martyr, but as a whole human being.
When I began reclaiming my identity, I didn’t love my family less. I loved them better.
I became a more present mother, a more connected partner, a happier version of myself. Not because life got easier, but because I stopped living from depletion and started living from truth.
Finding purpose beyond parenting is about remembering. You were a whole person before you became a mother. That person still matters now.
There are still days when old patterns tug at me. Days when I catch myself putting everyone else first without thinking. But now I notice faster. I come home to myself sooner.
Choosing yourself is a practice. A devotion. A daily remembering: I matter too.
Reclaiming My Identity as a Woman: You Don’t Have to Wait
If you’re feeling that quiet ache, the sense that you’re stuck on the sidelines of your own life, know this. You don’t have to wait anymore.
You don’t have to wait for life to slow down. You don’t have to wait for someone to give you permission.
Clarity doesn’t come first. Movement does.
Finding clarity after motherhood starts with one small, brave decision. To honour the woman you are becoming.
If you’re ready to reconnect with yourself but aren’t sure where to begin, I created my Find Clarity & Purpose Everyday mini-course just for you. It’s a short, powerful guide designed to help you cut through the noise and reconnect with what actually matters to you, even in the messy middle of motherhood.
You don’t have to earn your way back to yourself. You are allowed to begin now.
You are worthy of a life that feels aligned, rich, and real.
And you don’t have to walk that road alone.