How I embraced my curls so that my daughter learns to love hers

Aug 11

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For years, I succumbed to straightening my curly hair, here’s why I decided to embrace my natural curls again and how I learnt to maintain and style them.

Why I decided to go curly again

I have always had curly hair, but never knew how to manage it. Growing up in a place where I was surrounded by people with straight hair, I used to think I was an alien for having curls. I would brush my hair hoping I could tame it, but instead I just ended up with more frizz. I’d oil it because my mother told me it was good for my hair and would tame the frizz, but hated going to school and being teased about it.

Fast forward twenty-odd years and I am finally learning to love my curls and bring out the best in them. It wasn’t an easy road, that’s for sure. I succumbed to the blow dry fad for a long time, to the point that my hair was so dry and damaged. Being hurled into a pandemic where I couldn’t go for blow-dries and had nowhere to go anyway, I stopped heat-styling my hair at all. I decided to change up my shampoos and switch to cleaner options, and my hair has never been healthier. Despite having a baby since then and going through postpartum hair loss, my hair is in a better condition than it has been in years.

Once my hair got healthier, my curls started having better definition since I wasn’t destroying them with heat. I then read up about the curly girl method and all the different variations around it. I have learned how to deep condition my curls, how to style them to ensure tighter curl pattern formation and less frizz. I am still constantly trying new things to see what works best, but I have already come a long way in just a few months.

I now also have a one-year-old daughter with beautiful curls and I want to set an example for her. I want her to love her curls from the very beginning and not feel the way I did about them growing up. I want to teach her how to manage her curls and bring out the best in them, and teach her that straight isn’t the only way hair should be.

Having gone curly, I am also less wary of changes in weather. I remember dreading rainy, humid days for fear that my blow dry would get ruined. I would shy away from even a single drop of rain, but now my hair can handle the humidity much better because it is so much more moisturised than before. My natural oils and moisture from styling products ensure that the humidity doesn’t end up stripping my hair of its own moisture.

If you have naturally wavy or curly hair, and any of these reasons resonate with you, then you might want to try going curly. I have summarized everything I have learned so far about curly hair, to help you get started on your journey back to your natural curls.

Getting started

Figure out your curl pattern

One of the first things you’ll notice when reading about wavy or curly hair is some number and letter combinations that refer to your curl type. A simplified categorisation is that Type 1s are straight, Type 2s are wavy, Type 3s are curly, and Type 4s are coily. The sub-classifications (A to C) are based on the width or diameter of your wave, curl, or coil pattern. Type As have a wider pattern size, Type Bs medium, and Type Cs the smallest of the three.

The diagram below from Kuene illustrates the classification very well.

You may even have more than one curl type in your head of hair, or change curl type depending on how recently you have washed your hair.

Determine your hair porosity

Once you know your curl type(s), the next thing you need to figure out is your hair porosity. Hair porosity determines your hair’s ability to absorb and retain moisture, which determines the type of products that will work best for your hair.

Here’s a simple way to test your hair porosity, using just a glass of water.

Shampoo and rinse your hair to remove any product buildup.
Fill a glass with water.
Once your hair is clean and dry, drop a single strand of your hair into the glass of water.
Watch the strand to see if it sinks to the bottom of the glass or floats at the top.

If your hair floats, you have low porosity. If it sinks, you have high porosity.

Hair with low porosity repels moisture when you try to wet it and is hard to process since it resists the penetration of chemicals. Low porosity hair is also prone to build-up from protein-rich deep conditioning products, which can leave it feeling stiff and straw-like. Low porosity hair requires moisturizers rich in emollients such as shea butter, jojoba oil, coconut oil and mineral oil. Choose lighter, liquid-based products such as hair milks that won't sit on your hair and leave it oily or greasy.

High porosity can be either an inherent property of hair or the result of damage from chemical processing, rough treatment or environmental damage. High porosity hair has gaps and holes in the cuticle, which let too much moisture into your hair and leave it prone to frizz and tangling in humid weather. It's important to use leave-in conditioners, moisturizers and sealers. Layering these products will help your hair hold on to the moisture you're giving it. You can even follow up with a heavy hair butter to help fill the gaps in your damaged cuticles and further protect your hair from losing too much moisture.

Tips for Managing and Styling Wavy/Curly Hair

Ditch the sulfates and parabens

If you’re planning to go curly, then the first thing you need to do is to get rid of products that contain sulfates and parabens. Sulfates are widely used in shampoos to give that bubbly lather, which is why most curly hair shampoos don’t lather as much as normal shampoos. Sulfates strip the hair of its natural oils and since curly hair dries out faster than straight hair, they can leave curls dehydrated, which can lead to breakage.

Parabens are a preservative that deter bacteria and mould. While parabens allow products to last longer, they can also enter your body through your scalp. Parabens can cause curly hair to dry out and frizz, which is why they are best avoided.

Always check the ingredients in hair products to ensure that they don’t contain any of the abovementioned nasties.

Stop (or reduce) heat styling

When deciding to go curly, it is best to completely stop heat-styling your hair, as that destroys your hair’s natural curl pattern and dries it out. I have completely stopped blow drying my hair, and only use the no-heat setting when I do diffuse dry my curls. It is a hard cycle to break if you’re used to heat-styling, but trust me, when you stop you’ll notice your hair becomes so much healthier over time.

Use Olaplex to repair your hair

If you have been chemically treating and colouring your hair for a long time, it has probably been damaged and become dry, dull and lifeless. Your curl definition is often affected by years of colouring and heat-styling, so Olaplex is a good way to repair your hair and bring your curls back to life.

The Olaplex formula repairs damaged hair by re-connecting bonds in the hair that are broken during the colouring process. You will notice that after just one treatment, your curl definition starts to improve. Olaplex No.3 is great for curly hair and can be used at home.

This video shows you how to apply Olaplex at home to repair your curls, and shows the results from the treatment.

Co-wash for two washes, clarify for one

Wavy or curly hair maintains its shape better when it has natural oils and moisture-enhancing products in it. Many shampoos include sulfates, which clean hair thoroughly, but can actually strip natural oils and moisture from the strands of your hair, leaving them dry and more prone to breakage.

Reduing the use of shampoo through co-washing helps your hair maintain its natural moisture levels, so it can grow healthier and more resilient. Co-wash is essentially washing your hair only with a conditioner.

Please note that co-washing isn’t just about skipping shampoo and applying conditioner as you normally would. Conditioner is used in place of your shampoo. Some curly girls only co-wash their hair and never use a cleansing shampoo, but I find that using a clarifying (sulfate-free) shampoo every few washes helps to rid my hair of build-up from all the products. My routine is two co-washes followed by one cleansing shampoo wash.

In order to start co-washing, you’ll need to find the right conditioner. Silicones are added to many conditioners, because they add shine, but over time, silicone builds up coating your hair and makes it feel heavy, dull and lackluster. Conditioners free from silicones are best for co-washing. Some brands even make specific co-wash for curly hair.

My personal favourite for co-washing is the Giovanni Tea Tree Triple Treat Conditioner.

Another co-wash I have tried and liked is the Curlsmith Curl Quenching Conditioning Wash. I like Curlsmith products for when I am traveling because they make them in handy travel sizes.

The clarifying shampoo I use is Noughty’s Detox Dynamo Clarifying Shampoo.

I also like Curlsmith’s Wash & Scrub Detox Pro-Biotic shampoo, which I generally use when I travel.

To co-wash, wet your hair thoroughly, then apply a small amount of conditioner (about a teaspoon) on your entire scalp, using your fingertips to massage rub gently just like you do when shampooing. The conditioner coupled with the friction of your fingertips will loosen any dirt and residue on your scalp without stripping away naturally beneficial oils.

Next, take a liberal amount of conditioner and spread through your hair as usual. Then you’re ready to lather and rinse. If your hair is particularly curly or course, don’t rinse your hair thoroughly so some conditioner remains behind.

Condition liberally and detangle

Whether you are co-washing or using a cleansing shampoo, it is important to condition after. Never skip this step, even though you may think your hair doesn’t need it. Conditioning adds moisture to your waves or curls, making them appear healthier and retain their shape better.

My favourite conditioner is the Wave Hello Curl Defining Conditioner by Naughty.

When conditioning, take a liberal amount of conditioner in your hands, then work it through your hair from mids to ends. Ensure that every strand of hair is coated with conditioner and very slick, then carefully remove tangles with your fingers or a wide-tooth comb. This helps to spread the conditioner throughout the length of your hair, while also gently removing tangles. It is essential to detangle while conditioning, so that your hair can form curls with great definition.

This is my favourite wide-toothed comb for detangling.

Apply styling products to dripping wet hair, upside down

Once your hair has been washed and conditioned, it is time to begin styling. When you get to this stage, it helps to turn your head upside down and use water to help get all your hair in the same direction. Doing the styling upside down helps with volume and prevents your curls from falling flat on your head.

I apply two styling products to my dripping wet hair: leave-in conditioner and curl gel/cream. I take a generous amount of leave-in conditioner in the palm of my hand and apply it to my hair from mids to ends, scrunching to apply it evenly to all my hair. Then I gently rub the remaining conditioner on my hands lightly near my roots to smooth the hair there.

Once all the hair is coated with leave-in conditioner, I take a small amount (about a teaspoon) of curl gel in the palm of my hands and work it through my hair the same way, from mids to ends. If your hair is very dry or course, then you may prefer richer curl creams, but I find that gels work better for my hair.

After both products have been applied, use your fingers to scrunch and squish the product into your hair. This technique is often referred to as ‘squish to condish’. For more curl definition, take small sections of hair and use your finger to twirl each clump. Once your have twirled all your hair into clumps,, scrunch again to curl the ends.

Hair gel or curl creams are essential to styling, don’t be afraid of them. Many people don’t like gels because of the hard, crunchy coating they leave on the hair. That coating is actually a protective layer over each curl to prevent it from frizzing up during the drying process.

My favourite leave-in conditioners are Kinky Curly Knot Today Leave-in Conditioner and Curlsmith’s Weightless Air Dry Cream.

My favourite curl styling gels are the Camille Rose Naturals Curl Maker and Curlsmith’s Curl Defining Styling Soufflé.

Plop hair into an old t-shirt or microfibre towel

Once you have applied all your styling products, it is time to step out of the shower and begin the drying process. Please never use a towel and rub your hair to remove excess water, this strips your hair of moisture, removes all the styling products you applied and results in frizz.

Instead, plop your hair into an old t-shirt or microfibre towel for 10 minutes or so. This removes all the excess water from your hair without frizzing it up. Here is the microfiber towel I use for this stage. I like it because it comes with a button and loop so I don’t need to bother with tying up a towel or t-shirt correctly.

If you’ve never tried plopping before, here is a great video to get you started.

Video: how to plop curly hair

Air dry or diffuse dry with no heat

After you’ve plopped to remove all the excess water from your hair, it is time to air dry. I find that taking the time to let my hair dry naturally gives me the best results, but we don’t always have the luxury of a few hours for hair to dry. So the next best thing is to diffuse dry with no heat. I use the Dyson Supersonic Hair Dryer with the diffuser attachment when I am in a hurry.

Once your hair is completely dry, apply a few drops of oil to your hands and gently scrunch your hair to break the gel cast. You should be left with beautiful soft, defined curls.

If your curls tend to fall flat onto your head, then root clipping while your hair dries is a great way to get some extra volume. Here is a great video showing you how to root clip.

Video: Root clipping curly hair for maxmum volume

Deep condition hair every two weeks

Another thing I do to maintain healthy curls is to deep condition my hair every two weeks or so. Deep conditioning really helps inject my curls with a lot of moisture and keeps them looking shiny and healthy.

Deep conditioner should be applied the same way as regular conditioner, but left on for 15-30min, depending on the recommended directions for your product.

My favourite deep conditioner is Curl Junkie’s Curl Rehab.

Sleep on a silk pillowcase with your hair up

After a wash day, I want to keep my curls looking just as good and defined, so I tie them with a silk scrunchie high at the top of my head. I also sleep on a silk pillowcase so my curls and pulled and stretched while I move in my sleep. The result is defined curls with lots of volume the next morning. Often I can go a day or two after a wash without the need for a curl refresh.

If your hair is short and can’t be tied then a silk turban is a good option to sleep in too.

Refresh curls between wash days

Curly hair shouldn’t be washed every day. In fact, I try to wash mine just twice a week to retain the natural oils in my hair. Some days I may need to refresh my curls so they look as good as they did on wash day, but just without actually washing my hair. Here’s how I do it.

Take a spray bottle (any one will do), fill it with water and add one tablespoon of your regular leave-in conditioner to it. Shake well to mix then spray to apply to your hair, while it is turned upside down. This wets your hair and conditions it at the same time. When completely wet, take a small amount of hair gel or curl cream on the palm of your hands, and apply it from the mids to ends of your hair. Scrunch to distribute the product evenly and tighten your curls. Then air dry or diffuse dry as usual.

This may seem like a lot of information if you’re just starting out with embracing your natural curls. You don’t have to do all these steps at once, but add them slowly so you know what works for you and what doesn’t. Everyone’s hair is different so the products that work for me may not work for you. Start experimenting and I look forward to seeing more curly girls around soon!

If you have a child with curly hair, start teaching them to love and care for their curls from a young age. Here is a handy guide to caring for kids’ curls.

Vera Lakhwani